Kenken's Fate
by Eike and Mai
Summary: We don't like Kenken. We do not. So we decided to do something about it. some M/M references


Weiss Kreuz random ficcy  
by Eike and Mai  
  
Pairings: BradxSchu, OmixNagi, AyaxBrad,  
AyaxKen, YoujixGirls.  
  
Warnings: Ken-bashing. Silliness. Bad jokes.  
Bad writing.   
  
Keywords:  
Schu. Ken. Farfie. Knives. Blood. Torture.  
Flowers. Moral. Aya watches.  
  
-Hajimeru!-  
  
Ken is walking down the street. He trips on an  
invisible rock, because he's not clumsy enough to  
trip over his own feet. Of *course* it's an invisible  
rock, how dare you think Kenken is clumsy! SHI-NE!  
  
.... ANYWAY....  
  
Aya was watching. He's always watching. Not that  
he's a peeping tom or anything. It's his job to   
watch and stand by as people he loves die. He throws  
a flower at Kenken, who did NOT trip over his own feet.  
  
Kenken likes flowers, but because this special flower  
means "death," he runs away crying. Not that he's weak  
or anything. It's a sign. Nobody dares disobey a sign!  
  
Aya is wondering why Ken is running from the pretty  
pink petunia. He continues to watch. He watches as a  
limousine drives by, kidnaps Kenken, and drives off again.  
A single flower is the only clue as to what happened.  
  
A white lily, meaning innocence. Aya quickly deduced  
that Schwarz kidnapped Ken! He knew exactly what to do!  
"TAKATORI! SHI-NE!!!!" He runs after the limo, waving his  
sword in the air.  
  
Meanwhile, in the limo, Ken was being tortured. GIRLS were  
trying to touch him! AH! COOTIES!! These girls are the  
leftovers from Riot, by the way. Y'know, the ones Youji  
didn't screw and give lots of diseases.  
  
Schu and Farfie are watching with amused smirks. They're  
in the limo too. If they were outside, Aya would have killed  
them by now.  
  
Farfie is licking a knife. And so is the driver, because the  
driver is a goon, and all goons seem to lick sharp objects.  
  
"It tastes like strawberries..." Farfie commented.  
  
Schu looked at him all funny. "Your knife?"  
  
Farfie shook his head. "No, the strawberries."  
  
Now, my dear readers, please take a moment to think now.   
Thinking requires you to turn on your brains. You know, that  
thing that your teachers are always talking about. Yes, I don't  
know where it's located either, but it's there.  
  
Anyway, think for a bit, and wonder: Why is Ken in a limo with  
Schwarz? There is of course only one possible explanation.  
  
Ken must be tortured.  
  
Ken must die.  
  
Ken is the disease (that Youji was spreading).  
  
Ken must be stopped.   
  
Ken may not reproduce. (Not that he can. He's scared of girls.)  
  
This is Schu's cue for his mental torture. He lets Farfie kill the  
girls (and toss the bodies out the window) while he does his mental  
torture stuff on Ken.  
  
Meanwhile, Aya, still running with his sword in hand, slips on the  
blood that came spilling out of the window. Ignoring the dead bodies,  
he gets back up and continues to run after the limo. "TAKATORI! SHI-NE!"  
  
Back in the limo, Ken is being mentally tortured with flashbacks.  
Since Ken seems to remember only one part of his past, that is the  
J-league failure part, that's what he was remembering. He's sucking  
at being a goalie, and he's being drugged, and Kase is fucking him and  
.... oops, not that last one.  
  
"Can I kill him now?" Farfie asks. Schu shakes his head.  
  
"Noch nicht. Aber... you can tie him up!" Schu hand Farfie some rope.  
Farfie is very happy, and then ties Kenken up. Kenken can't feel his  
wrists anymore. That's ok though. He doesn't need them. Getting   
green/blue is good for the soul. And so is watching Ai no Kusabi.  
  
Schu is happy. Farfie is happy. Ken is not happy. Aya is pissed.   
Youji is sick. Omi and Nagi are being very.... friendly. Brad has  
a stick up his ass (no, I did not just type Aya's stick, I didn't!   
I swear!)  
  
So Kenken is blue, and is in mental anguish, and he's forced to look  
at scenes of his naivete over and over. Like a really bad movie. Or  
a broken record. But then, Ken IS a broken record. And he's boring. Like  
that old b&w movie, Battleship Potenshke. (that's a real movie, btw!)  
  
Farfie force feeds Ken a bug. Ken swallows, and says "mmm. tastes like  
strawberry." The bug screamed. But it died long ago, so it's ok.  
  
Schu and Farfie are a bit disgusted. Now Farfie takes out his knives  
and starts hacking at Ken. Ken dies a slow, horrible death.  
  
Outside, Aya finally reached the limo. He hops on the back, and catches  
his breath. The limo stops, sending him hurtling forwards into a flower  
cart.  
  
Schu dumps Ken's body on top of him.  
  
There's only one word for how Aya feels about this. "TAKATORI! SHI-NE!!!!"  
(ok, so that's two words. whatever.)   
  
BTW, there'd be a lemon scene here, but Ken is already dead, and they've  
told me necrophilia is bad (I don't know why... that's a joke.)  
  
So, because we need sex, Schu and Brad get it on. So do Omi and Nagi. Again.  
Youji is sick, so he doesn't get some. And Farfie killed himself, 'cus they  
forgot to lock him up. Brad's stick up his ass got replaced by a nicer stick  
up his ass.... but it's not a stick! 'Cus Schu's better than that.... erm...  
no, that was not a yaoi hint, nope not at all don't take this the wrong way  
and OMG! DON'T READ!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
  
  
O.Wa.Ri.  
  
Moral#1: (sent to WKFF) If you're Ken, you will die (you may not die til you're   
103, but you WILL die)  
  
Moral#2: (sent to WKYAOI) Everything tastes like strawberries  
  
Notes: We don't like Ken. Is it THAT obvious? Flames  
are welcome at yhibiki@hotmail.com and komagata_mai@hotmail.com  
We like praise too! C & C welcome. *Fishing for compliments* 


End file.
